Question:

My husband wants to have a separation and says he most likely only wants to do it temporarily. We have a 2 month old together and I’m looking for a job. We can’t afford living separate and it sounds like he’s only planning on providing $500 in support a month because that’s what he would have left after expenses. That’s not even close to enough for even the cost of child care, let alone to be able to properly care for us. Another option is in home separation but he’s saying his command is saying military members can’t do in home separation. We will be filing in Virginia as that’s where we currently live and I am a resident and they allow in home separation as long as you follow the requirements. We want an agreement separation. Is this true that they don’t allow this in the military? If they do, can his command really demand he not do it, even though my daughter and I could possibly end up homeless if we don’t?

Jim's Reply:

I have a sort of Golden Rule about separations, divorces and such that are supposed to be worked out between the married couple and everything will be fine. The rule says there is no such thing as an amicable divorce and as soon as a divorce or separation is mentioned by either party, someone needs to lawyer up right now. Right now, today. I understand all too well the sense of failure and doom that comes with that decision...been there, done that. But delaying the decision almost always makes it worse. An agreement that you draw up between the two of you is pretty worthless and means very little. The bottom line is that without the legal protections afforded to you when you formally file for divorce, you got nothing, zip, zero, nada. In a court of law you always want to be the plaintiff, not the defendant. It doesn't matter that he's active duty, divorce is a civilian matter and the divorce proceedings will begin in a civilian court. You need to find a lawyer who will represent you and move forward with the action needed to protect yourself and your child. If you don't do that now, you may be taken advantage of. The military will not protect you...they will protect him. Good luck.

• PS from StatesideLegal:  You can use our "Find Legal Help" directory to look for a local LRS provider and request a low-cost consultation with a local lawyer who is experienced in handling divorces/separations for military families.