Question:

I am a 56 yr old former Marine. I don't understand a lot of mental health questions (ptsd) I was in Beirut in 1983 on duty 70 meters from blt building when it went. I could fill pages of gross descriptions of what I saw and had to do to help my brothers. I started construction years ago and I have been sued at least a dozen times usually because I don't complete the jobs.  This is after a problem arises, I simply disconnect and the problem intensifies and it snow balls.  I sleep on the floor alone in my living room even though I have a loving wife who's given me 11 children The fines I've received keep me from getting licensed to do construction and I've been evicted 4 times because I can't pay my bills. 

I've never been arrested for DUI or violent offenses. I don't do any drugs.  I just can't function the way I feel I should. I have thought about ending it several times but don't because my loving family.  I don't know what to do.  I don't feel screwed up all the time,  but I become more and more reclusive as I age. The more I read,  the more I think maybe Beirut did affect me.  I just dontt know. Every October especially when it's close to the 23d, all I can do is surf pics and articles trying to see or hear something I am unaware of or someone we lost. Today I finally went reluctantly to the DAV office and now its started. What do you think?  I have all the awards, the combat action expeditionary medals etc hell I am on the October 31 cover of Time magazine carrying out bodies. I have AP stamped photos of situations that happened. Somewhere inside, though, I feel like a gold digger. I guess I am rambling.  Just wanted an unbiased opinion. Thank You

Jim's Reply:

I understand and I empathize. Get in touch with a vet center near you and talk to veterans who have the same issues you do