Question:
Hello Sir, I recently joined the US navy. I am a married women, and mother of two daughters. My eldest daughter is from an ex (we were never married). We share custody 30/70. I have her “70%” and he has her 30% (every other weekend... Friday after school until Tuesday morning drop off to school)”. We share joint legal custody but I have sole physical custody. I am wondering what steps I’d have to take before I leave to bootcamp in August 2020 to ensure that my daughter will be able to get stationed with us?
Jim's Reply:
When you ask what steps you can take to station your daughter with "us", I'll assume you mean your new family to the exclusion of her birth father. From the formal sound of the 30/70 custody arrangement I'll also assume that there is an order in place from a family court that spells that child custody arrangement out in some detail.
If you've decided to enter active duty without some understanding and cooperation from the child's father it may be difficult or impossible to take the child with you. Most custody arrangements, as spelled out by family courts, are clear that neither parent will take the child out of state without the permission of the court.
Note that doesn't say permission of the other parent, this must be approved by the court. If the other parent objects, you have a problem. If you defy the court then you're in contempt of a court order and the court doesn't like that.
Entering active duty with a family isn't always such a great idea. You'll hear it time and again that if the military wanted you to have a family the QM would issue you one. There's usually a reason behind all the sayings we have in the military and this one is close to home.
Entering active duty w/o a family and then starting the family while in the military is often a great experience but not so much the other way around. Kids that don't grow up in it from a very young age may not adapt well as it can be demanding on the entire family.
In any case your first step is to inform your ex and the child of your intent and gauge reactions. Then you need to file with the family court that has jurisdiction to seek a modification of the child custody order. You'll have the chance to explain how you'll care for the child while you're away at boot camp and any advanced training that may be required. The child's father will also have his say in how he thinks the child should be cared for.
On a final note: Did the recruiter fully understand your family situation as you interviewed to enlist? If not you may want to touch base with that person again before you have a new set of problems.
- PS from StatesideLegal: You may want to check with a local LRS provider (listed in our "Find Legal Help" directory and ask for a low-cost consultation with a family law attorney who has experience with military service.